Thursday, June 25, 2015

new dolls, inspiration, and a big fat THANK YOU....


today i thought i would share with you a few of the new stump style art dolls i have been working on over the last month...

i have listed two of them in my Etsy shoppe:




.

...and two of them will be going to this AMAZING group show i am so honored to have been invited to be a part of at Most Wanted Fine Art in pittsburgh:






now that everyone has had their photography session and been listed (or getting ready to roll out), it's time to move on to the next batch, which i have already started the armatures for.
i am very excited to start work on another batch of dolls!!! 
and i am trying a few new things this time around. ideas that have taken root and will not let go until i try them. you know how that is!?!

honestly, i wasn't sure at the start of this year if i would ever sculpt again. i definitely did not want to.
but i have to give a shout out to some friends of mine who have been truly inspirational and supportive of me and who not only encouraged me to find my true voice, but inspired me to pick that clay up again....

Carrie Ginn at Moonshowr Studios :


Jennifer Albin at Soul Whispers Art:



and



you ladies totally rock!!!!
thank you for your immense support and continued inspiration!! 

and i just wanted to take a moment and say a gigantic THANK YOU to everyone who took the time to read my last post on motivation and isolation. the letters, comments, & notes that i received regarding how i was feeling really touched me and made me realize i am not nearly as alone and cut off as i sometimes think i am.
thank you all for taking the time to read what i have to say and for telling me your own stories, which i can completely relate to!!!
i am amazed every single day at the power of the internet to connect us all to like minded individuals we would never have met otherwise....

i hope everyone is having a magical week!!!

love and light,

xoxo,
amber








Friday, June 12, 2015

on longing and motivation....

last week, when i reintroduced myself and talked a bit about our move from new orleans to miami last year, i mentioned that i don't like it here, could give you a million reasons why not, but that i didn't want to talk about it...and i don't.

but i need to talk about it just a little, because what i DO want to talk about is staying motivated when you work for yourself. 
and it seems that for me, at least, surroundings play a very important role in my motivation.

 this is what i was surrounded by in new orleans:







this is what i am surrounded by now:




i'm just going to be brutally honest with you: every morning i've woken up here, i've wanted to set myself on fire. 

i"m not only having a hard time coping and adjusting, but staying motivated and inspired.

i have been struggling, struggling, struggling for over a year now...even though i have the one thing i have ALWAYS wanted my entire life: my own studio and the ability to work from home.

this is the only good picture i have of my space, so yeah, i'm posting it again...

ahhhh...the dream!!! it came true!!! 
now what?


this is a normal day for me lately:
i wander around. i clean. i wander around. i watch tv. i look at my work desk. i wander around. i pet my cats. i water my plants. i work a little. i wander around some more. i wait for my mister to get home because he's the only person i ever see or talk to. sad, i know. but true....

i don't avoid the studio, but i haven't really been able to loose myself in there either.
i call it my sanctuary, but the truth is, i avoid it.
a lot.

i don't work.
not like i used to.

 i was an artist in a mad, creative frenzy once upon a time.
i wouldn't answer the phone.
i didn't check my email.
i hardly every socialized.

i wanted to create!!!!

i HAD to create!!!!



now... meh.

i know why i'm behaving this way, yet i am finding it difficult to stop.
difficult to break the cycle.

see, back in new orleans, if i was feeling like i needed inspiration, or just to re charge ye olde batteries, there were many things i could do; many places i could go. 

i could literally walk out my front door and stroll over to the garden district and admire the amazingly beautiful architecture. i could walk down magazine street and window shop or chat with friends. i could pop over to the art supply store and pick up some new brushes or just chat with the folks who worked there.
and so on and so on.

here, i am stuck inside this house.
there isn't a magazine street. or a garden district.
the art supply store is a 45 minute drive in bumper to bumper traffic and 15 mile an hours school zones - on a good day!!
there isn't any beautiful architecture.
(see above photos of the lovely strip malls)
i feel like my soul is being ripped out of my body one tiny piece at a time.

there aren't any independent businesses.
the park across the street is the size of a postage stamp and whenever i've gone over there to just walk around for a few minutes, people stare and point and laugh at me.
why? i have no idea, but it happens every single time and it makes me uncomfortable, so i stopped going.

we have a lovely home...



but no matter how lovely our new home is....
i feel trapped here with no way to re charge my batteries. 

the closest thing i have to anything lovely is our own back yard, which i have started letting grow wild ( from the carefully trimmed box shrubs the former owners admired) and filled with butterfly bushes and nectar plants.
gimme ALL the plants!!! 
it is my only sanctuary.







but it's not enough.

i'm still looking. searching. for that connection. my people. my places.
and i know, deep in my heart, that it is unlikely that i will find them here.
yet, still i search.
because i'm not really the type to give up.

but, i feel like i'm constantly opening the refrigerator door and searching for something to eat even though i know there is no food in the house.

this is my life now.

and i need to fix it.

i need to stop searching. 
i need to get to work.

i have a plan. things i want to do. things i need to do. 
truly, i am happiest when i am making my art.
it's who i am.
i don't even know how i would describe myself if i couldn't use the term "artist".
my whole being lights up when i talk about my work (even though the mister's eyes glaze over when i do so.  lol!!)

art is who i am.




but i am failing miserably at staying focused on that art.

i have GOT to find a way to get motivated again.
GOT to!!! 

so, i'm asking....is there anyone out there in a similar situation?
are you happy where you live, or are you just putting up with it?
 if you are in the suburbs, and not a suburban person, per se, how do you cope?
 are you older - like me - and find it difficult to make new friends you have things in common with? do you feel that your surroundings don't speak to you?
that you are alone in an area you can't relate to?

what do you do? 

how do you cope with a situation that isn't working for you?
 how do you accept that things are no longer what you are used to?
how do you stay motivated and focused when you feel alone and  incomplete?
that you aren't being nurtured artistically or emotionally?

how do i immerse myself in my art again and accept that things in other areas of my life will get better?

i guess i have some work to do and things to think about...or should i just STOP thinking all together and just DO?
that seems to be the best option, sometimes.
but it's been very hard for me to turn some of this stuff off.

so, this is me, ,trying to figure it all out....


xoxo,
amber