Monday, June 10, 2013

looking back and looking ahead....

i cannot express to you all how moved i have been regarding all the wonderful notes i have received- both here and on my facebook page- regarding my breathing issues and the artistic decisions i have had to make over the last few weeks.
i never dreamed that i would be surrounded by so many lovely, understanding people.
i am so blessed.
thank you all so much for your kind words and encouragement.
they mean the world to me!!


the last week has been a weird one, to say the least.
i am the kind of person who really feels a little lost when she is not creating, and i lost all of last week. so, by the time this weekend rolled around, i was just standing in my little studio, turning around and around in circles, and staring off in to space.
i had no idea where to begin....



i started by cleaning, packing up, and putting away all of the resin and baby powder, as well as any unfinished resin pieces. i had to wear a mask to do this. it was hot...damn hot!!

mainly, i thought. and thought. and thought some more.

where to i go now? next? 
what do i do?


do i give up sculpting completely?  can i go back to the paper clay? by going back to the paper clay, will i be going backwards or moving forward?
basically just a big ole "what now?!'

i know you are are probably thinking, man! is she over thinking this!!
and you would probably be right.

but, that is how i roll, so...

anyway...

i think i may have mentioned that i had suspected the resin for a while, so naturally, in the back of my mind i have been wondering if i was heading in the right direction. i also haven't been as happy with the pieces i've been making as i would like to have been.


 i have doubted. constantly.
 do i really want to make monsters and fantastical creatures? yes, sort of....
but i missed the vintage quality of the paper clay.


{i also missed knowing what the hell i was doing! haha! that resin is a stinker in more that one way...}

so, this last week, while i took some time off and i thought and thought and thought, i came to the decision that i WILL return to sculpting with paper clay, and you know what...the thought made me a whole lot happier than i thought it would!! 
surprised the hell out of me!! 


so, while i've been cleaning the studio and prepping canvases, i have been thinking on some new designs and how i want to approach all of my artistic endeavors, not just the sculpting.
i've tried some new things, painting - wise that just seem so wonderful when i see other painters use them, but just are not me.
i have my own voice and style and i guess i should be happy about that...
but, of course, i tried them anyway.
and they didn't work for me.
but it was fun to try...

so, even though i kind of feel a little like i am back at square one, i know i am moving forward...every day will be a new day to try something new, to pull out an old idea and give it new life, to experiment and grow.


so, all the rambling aside...i think i am ready to move forward

thank you everyone who has been listening and helping me figure this out.

you all rock!!!

xoxo,
♥amber♥

4 comments:

DianeMc@BostonMA said...

Hey Amber - it's me..."anonymous" from the other day...lol Just wanted to drop you a note - so happy to hear you'll be revisiting the paper clay! What you have created with that is what so inspired me to begin with!! It's in no way a step backward to once again work with a medium in which YOU ROCK. Enjoy the ride - it's all about process and having fun and it's really how one handles the bumps and being thrown off course that will make us the happiest :) Sounds like you're doing a fabulous job of it!! I really appreciate you sharing what's happening and look forward to your seeing creations and your amazing work for a loonnngg time to come! Hope you're lungs are on the mend too :) Take care! Diane

Amber Leilani Middleton said...

hi diane!
lol on me having to call you anonymous! i felt all watergate-y....
i am super excited to start a new bunch of paper clay dolls today! i built my body armatures last night ( i've started doing that instead of using the styro balls for the bottoms- they sit better and don't rock or tump over as easily)...and i will start my heads and lay down clay on the bodies today. it's been so long since i worked with the clay, i hope i haven't forgotten how!! that resin was a b**** to use, and to be quite honest, i am happy to be getting back to the paper clay. i felt like i had it under better control. but i like to try new things and i just couldn't help myself. but, hopefully these new pieces will be even better than my old pieces...wish me luck!!!
i would love to see some or your work....????
amber

DianeMc@BostonMA said...

Watergate-y...good one! :) Very exciting about your new dolls! I've only made a few (6) using polymer clay and one I tried paper clay (whoa...that was hard for me and gave me a new appreciation of your work using that medium for sure!!) Working 45 hrs a week in a law office leaves little time for "clay play", BUT I'm using any available free time to do it (including building armatures during my lunch hours at work!!) I HATE making them - gaaaccckkk!! it's my least favorite part so far - but it's a necessary evil so to speak :) Sure...I'll send you some pics of what I've done - I've literally shown only 2 people so far - I have no intention of trying to sell or whatever - it's just for me to feed this creative need and to have FUN). Lemme know how I would send pics to you. Thanks for being interested and oh so inspiring and can't wait to see what you come up with next!!!
Diane

Amber Leilani Middleton said...

hi diane,
i've never used polymer - i was always leary of the smell and having to bake it, but i love love love the way it looks!! i started half a dozen new sculpts yesterday and this morning was reminded of why i wanted to try the resin...the paper clay was still not dry!! in to the oven they all went so the warm could dry them out!! after working in the resin, boy,that clay was easy-peasy to use!! so much more forgiving. i think i am going to enjoy working in it again.
i hear you on the 45+ hours a week. every job i've ever had has been like that and when i got home, no time for art. or i would be so mad when i had to take care of household things. i am so lucky to just be able to make art right now. sooooo lucky!!
here is my email address:
amberleilani@hotmail.com
if you want to share some pics.
i am off to buy more masking tape for armatures, which is my least favorite part as well!! talk to you soon,
amber