Tuesday, July 13, 2010

could i bend your ear for a moment...?

yeah. i need to talk.
wanna grab a cup of coffee and just chat for a while?

where do i start?...

well, i just finished this little gal and i have to say, she has sort of become my studio guardian:


i love her mismatched horns, her "oh don't start with me" expression, and of course, her glittery dress. that's vintage silver glass glitter and i can't wait for it to tarnish and then her transformation will be complete!

i've also been working like a mad woman on those 40+ pendants i showed you earlier as well as making earrings ( gawd, i hate making earrings! you know why? there's 2 of them! ha ha! ) and i dug out half a dozen cuffs i had started last year before my wrist injury and i am working on finishing them. right now, inspiration is not forthcoming regarding the cuffs. i had this great vision of very free form textural pieces, but my experiments have flopped grandly. so, i am back to patterns, but the inspiration for those is not there either...so i am working on other things in the meantime.

but, like i said, i just need to chat for a few minutes.

i haven't been feeling like myself these last few weeks. i just don't feel happy or inspired. and i keep getting freaked out about the fact that i am not really working right now.
I KNOW!!! WTF!? RIGHT???!!!
i should be OVERJOYED to be in my little corner of heaven, sculpting faces, beading cabs... and i am. i really am. but i am scared shitless too - and that feeling is dominating all the other feelings and i am afraid that i am weaving fear and anger into my work instead of joy and whimsy.

so i told myself to STOP!!!

i mean, for chrissie's sake... i can only do SO MUCH! i push and i push and i push myself... but i can only make so many things in a day, week, month.

 none of these things have a home yet. so, of course, no money is coming in.

the shop i work at here in new orleans has been closed all summer as the owner relocates to a new location on magazine street. the renovations are taking waaaay longer than anyone could have imagined ( and i wanted to go down to part time anyway ) so i have no local outlet for my jewelry. in september i will have work in high gloss in houston once again. but, right now september feels very far away.

but i also keep stressing myself out that i won't have enough work. and then if i go back to full time from october - december - how am i gonna have time to make stuff!!!
AAIIIIGHHH!!!

deep breaths.

i look around me - on the internet mainly - and see a great many crafters who have their work in many galleries, who know EVERYONE in the crafting world, who teach, who are published, who go to workshops and conventions. i dont' do any of this stuff.... i feel like i am treading water. how do i get started doing shows? how do i find galleries that might be right for my work? do i want to teach? do i want to submit work for publishing? etc etc etc.
i just feel lost right now.

i keep telling myself that i have to start slowly. i am basically starting over after being out of commission most of last year. but, you know, it's just not going in. thick brained, me!

wash. rinse. repeat.

that's all i can do: keep reminding myself that i can only do so much. enjoy what i am doing. and make little baby steps to get where i want to be. i assume i will figure out how to do that. i'm not what you'd call stupid. but i am emotional and that holds me back quite often.

so, i just wanted to say that out loud. you know... bend your ear. just bounce some stuff off the universe.

i feel better already.

and i should get to work...

today i am going to work on several dolls i have going as well as make some more earrings. the mister will be out of the house this evening which means i can work later, so that's good. i usually quit when he comes home so we can eat dinner and chill out a bit.

i hope that everyone is having a good week so far, and i hope to have full fledged pics of new stuff up by week's end.

thanks for listening!

cheers!

amber

2 comments:

Whimsey Creations said...

Don't let those doubt gremlins get in there girl! If you really want it, you'll figure it out. Sometimes it seems like we either need to create or represent outselves in the business world. It would be nice if there were handy people who could just do the representing for us so each new artist wouldn't have to start from scratch. Since all of my work has been basically one of a kinds, I never could figure out the best way to sell it - I didn't really have a 'look' (other than out there) to represent me - everything was different every time LOLOLOL So if you figure it out - let me know. I KNOW you can succeed!

TheBlakkDuchess said...

Hugs, hugs & more hugs... You are an incredibly brave woman for stricking out on your own the way that you have! Take one piece, one step at a time, and in no time, you'll be able to turn around & look back & see how far you've come & how much you've accomplished. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TO!!! =D
You will be successfull & happy! I know it. Your creations are so wonderful & with such a fabulous new guardian with such magical horns, you'll be unstopable! ^-^
Hang in there through the rough patches, because in the end it will be worth it.
And like Whimsey said, don't give into the gremlins! Think positively. Envision yourself as the happy, successful, stress-free woman you want to be, and then BE her! Be YOU. Hugs & blessings, love & positive energies to you & your work. ^-^