hmmmm....i don't even know where to start today.
i got up early this morning so i could get some studio time in before i go to work. which i am not enjoying these days, by the way. honestly, i just don't think i am cut out for work. at least for someone else. but, that's an entirely different story altogether.
i won't be able to work tonight as i have a prior engagement, so i thought i would try to get 3 - 4 hours in this morning. which i did. yay me!
last night i painted these two faces and applied crackle medium to them. when i went to bed last night, i was very pleased with both of them. in fact, i thought they were my best two pieces so far:
when i got up this morning, i stained them and took pictures.
now i am not so sure how i feel about them.
hmmmmm....yeah. i still don't know.
that's funny, isn't it? how i can go from loving something at midnight to thinking that i can do better by 7am.
i suppose that just goes with the territory when learning a new craft!
i will just keep trying to bring my visions to life, i suppose. i just wish i was better. now.
unfortunately, this is an ongoing theme in my life - i want to learn something new and i go at it whole hog. when acquiring the skills - taking the time to perfect the craft - takes longer than i think it should - i get upset, depressed, and angry. i want to be perfect at everything i do right out of the starting gate. i don't want to learn. i want to do!
when i started working in mixed media and then moved to whatever the hell this is - doll making? sculpture? whatever....i was doing it because i enjoyed it! it was a break from beading, which has grown sooooooooooo stale for me. i can't even look at a bead right now. sad, i know.
now that i have started thinking about the possibility of applying to shows and trying to sell some of these pieces - i am putting so much pressure on myself, that it's not fun anymore. i rush. i push. i rush. i push.
not good. no fun. work. yech.
so, i am going to take a step back today and think about what i want to do and where i want to go - and what it is that brings me joy.
it's been a while since i have felt real joy. i don't know what's got me down, but that joi de vivre i worked so hard to recapture last year has just flown out the window. and i think that in some way, pushing myself to be a certain something by a certain time is what leads to this melancholy.
so..... i bid you adieu for today so that i can go take a little walk with my camera and think about what makes me happy creatively.
i hope that everyone has a great day!!
ps.... thanks to everyone who has left such wonderful, encouraging comments. they have not gone unnoticed. you have given me quite a lot to think on ...