Friday, January 22, 2010

realizations

it amazes me how, sometimes, even though you think you know yourself, you can be surprised by a realization or a decision you make.

i think i am pretty self aware - i know i can be selfish, self centered, totally oblivious to what is going on around me - mainly because i have encased myself in a little art bubble and that is where i like to live.

i know that i am hard on myself, i dwell too much on the past, and that i get my feelings hurt a little too easily.

i also know that i am a loner. and it has never really bothered me.

even though i know that this about myself, i was surprised to find this thought cross my mind this morning:

" boy, i wish i enjoyed going out more. i really am pretty square".



see, i love living in new orleans, but i don't take advantage of everything this beautiful city has to offer because mr. b and i are notorious home bodies. don't get me wrong, we can throw down with the best of them, and i can count the mardi gras parades i have missed on one hand, but truthfully, we are both happiest at home, reading, making art, and watching our shows and movies.

sometimes i wish i was more social. and by that i mean, that i liked going out to events - live music, theatre, etc. i wish i were "cooler", but to be honest, i just don't have the energy!

i would just rather hang out with mr. b and the kittehs, make art, eat sushi, and watch movies. i like my house. and i really like my studio. and i really really like making things in my studio.

does that make me uncool? square? boring?

probably.

but that's who i am and what i like.

damnit.









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