this limbo between christmas and new year's has never been one of my favorite times, but this year so much has been going on that i really haven't had a chance to get good and sentimental about the ending of another year. ( that could change if i open a bottle of wine right now... )
i really don't put that much importance on calendar years, but this next one marks a milestone for me that, believe it or not, i am looking forward to ... hello 40! and a new tattoo.
after a trying 2009 -
seeing a counseller once a week because of how much i hated my job and the anger and resentment i felt at constantly getting stepped on and bullied; getting laid off from said job (and having that news dumped in my lap on the eve of my vacation) and then called back in --- then finally growing some much needed balls and quitting - oh, yeah, that was actually a good thing; oh, and how could i forget - dislocating my own damn wrist which put me out of the jewelry making business for the last half of the year. all of these things conspired to give me, in hindsight, the opportunity to explore who i am and what i want. and in an actual productive, make it happen kind of way.
i have a real studio now - although at the moment it is 40 degrees and stacked to the ceiling will the fella's books. after the holidays we'll get it sorted out, i suppose. the cats love to play hide and seek in there, much to my chagrin.
i have had the opportunity to sell my jewelry ( thank god for that unemployed stretch in the summer when i was actually making things) at the fantastic store where i now work. oh, and i get to hang out with niki and myrtle.
i have re-discovered my love of paper crafts ( which i have also been selling ) and painting and have been amassing quite a little collection of rubber stamps and paper goodies which i hope to explore in the coming year. and glitter. beautiful shiny glitter!
and finally, i honestly feel happy. i mean real, honest to goodness, doity doity doity through life happy. and i feel pretty good about where i am with my art - what i am doing with it - and what i want from it and where i want it to take me. i think i will just let it do the talking from now on anyway....it knows what it wants better than i do anyway.
i am no longer pressuring myself to SELL SELL SELL and to make things I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE JUST BECAUSE THEY SELL. done, finito.
i am making art for ME. hello. what a novel concept.
i have so many people to thank for inspiring me and keeping my head above water this year. for reminding me to be me and that is why they love me. even if i am a square.