Saturday, May 2, 2009

magical muse oh come sit on my shoulder... i have s*** to do!



i have goh-at to get motivated!
i have not done doodly squat for over a week and it's not like i don't have deadlines looming.
i have agreed ( been invited?) to participate in a fundraiser for the louisiana art works portion of the arts council of new orleans at the end of may. i am supposed to be bringing a dozen or so pieces which will be on sale that night -- with me getting a portion and a portion going to the arts council. i know it will be a good opportunity for me even if nothing sells, but can i get motivated to make work for it?
no.
i am supposed to be shipping to high gloss this week.
i have a few things made but not nearly enough.
my muse just won't come.
it's my own fault though.
as i have mentioned several times, i have been dealing with a lot of anger, resentment, and frustration over the last year regarding my job and my jewelry business.
it seems i would rather wallow in self pity than work.
not good.
i have been reading a blog out of arizona that i find to be one of the most delightful and inspirational reads ever. i can't get enough of vanessa's energy and positive and creative attitude. i try to read something from there every day.
i am not much of a self help book kinda gal, so this works for me!
i get so bogged down in the dull day to day activity of my own boring existence that i continually fail to see that i am the only one who can make it magical.
truth be told, i don't think i allow myself to be creative and free enough.
what squashed the free flowing, gypsy like creativity.
oh, it was a job.
a stupid stupid job for stupid stupid people who simply did not like me because i was not "one of them".
translation - i don't come from money.
i left that job years ago and i work in a very laid back, creative, and tolerant(if not slightly dysfunctional)environment now.
so, why do i carry that baggage around?
because i gave it my all and not only was i stepped on, but i was squashed like a bug on the ground. ground into the dirt.
by whom?
no one who i care one iota about.
so, i think it's time to let that go and bring back the old amber.
everyone liked her better anyway.
i know i did.

1 comment:

Carol Dean said...

What you just felt, Amber, that was my foot kicking your butt hard enough so that you had to drop/let go of all that sh*t! Right now, Sweetie, this very second! You have greatness in you that demands to be expressed!