i joined a gym.
what the @!#$*%$ was i thinking?
well, i will tell you...
when joseph and i were in california, i huffed and puffed all up and down the hills in san francisco. i can't even convey to you how out of breath i was. and i thought i was still in pretty good shape. not even close.
i have absolutely no energy whatsoever. most days i feel like a new born kitten when i wake up and i burrow under the covers not coming out until the last minute. then i stay angry most of the day.
i am angry and i feel depressed and just plain mean most of the time. i am envious of other's success and i want to lash out at pretty much everyone i come in contact with.
i don't care about anything. at all. and i take all the wonderful things in my life for granted because i feel like i can't have the one thing i have always wanted - my own, successful business.
i know that i have to work some of this out on my own - especially the materialistic mood i have been in. i haven't really been a materialistic person since i graduated from high school. sure, when i was a teenager i dreamed of having money and was sure i would, once i got away from home ( country fried, i tell you) and out into the real world where my artistic talent would be swooned over by the masses and i would be this massively rich designer.
i have to accept that my career has not turned out the way i wanted, AND that it is going to take much much longer than i planned for this jewelry business to get off the ground. and i have to keep working at it.
in order to keep up my strength and my motivation and to keep WANTING to work on this business, i am going to have to gain more energy.
i am going to have to start working out.
what's that line from LEGALLY BLONDE ? ...
"exercise produces endorphins. endorphins make people happy. happy people don't shoot their husbands. they just don't"
i want to be a happy person, and i know that when i exercise on a regular basis, i AM happy. every time in my life when i have felt the way i do now, i wasn't getting any exercise. and i felt terrible about myself and i wanted to cry all the time.
so, i have made one positive change in my life.
here's hoping it will help me have the energy and the creative confidence to make many more....